I recently got a phone call that dealt me an unexpected setback - to the tune of about $3,000. It affected my debt repayment schedule primarily, which has been a big focus of mine this year. Do I need to write that I was disappointed? I think we each face disappointment and setbacks on an occasional, if not regular basis. What to do? How to respond?
These are but a few thoughts on how to move through and move ahead anyway:
1) Guard your focus.
Don't spend inordinate amounts of time rehearsing the disappointment. It will kill your creativity and hope for life beyond. When you keep hope alive and look beyond the immediate obstacle, you rise above the obstacle that disappointed you and be able to see and chart a course to move ahead. My Pastor says, "You can't lay back in a setback." Well, you shouldn't anyway.
2) Adjust your plan.
This is why a plan is so important. If you have a plan there is action you can take against your disappointment. I am coordinating my third Financial Peace University class. We are working through Week 3 - Cash Flow Planning. It is foundational to the class, just like a plan is foundational to life. We are better able to navigate the waters of disappointment and setbacks if there is a plan. The setback can be addressed - adjust the plan to compensate. Now work the new plan. It makes it much smoother. With no plan, the setback causes chaos and debilitating disappointment. So if you don't have one, make one now!
3) Don't fret what you cannot change.
If we can get this one planted deep inside, our worry will diminish, peace will increase, and the disappointment will loose its power. Disappointment is tied to expectation and can be a powerful weapon against your future, your peace, and your success. It is why so much of our economy is tied to "consumer confidence." Especially at the start of difficult economic times, very little has fundamentally changed in people's lives. But as confidence wanes, people pull back, thus creating the very problem they fear. It's an interesting cycle. Don't let things out of your control rob you of peace, joy, and right-thinking.
4) Be thankful!
Motivational speaker, Bob Harrison, tells a story that has been a huge help to me when I am facing disappointment - and it relates back to #1. Years ago his marriage was in trouble and he was praying about his wife and complaining to God about the many ways she was falling short. God encouraged him to make a list of her good traits - the things he was thankful for - and pray through that list every morning instead of rehashing his disappointments. As he did that, over time, she changed...or maybe she didn't. Maybe the problem was in his focus on the disappointments and his lack of thankfulness. In reality, she did change in response to the change in his attitude toward and treatment of her. And it all grew out of his choice to be thankful for the good things. There marriage was saved and grew into the beautiful thing God wanted it to be.
Something is going well. If nothing else, you are still breathing. If nothing else, God is still God, whether you feel like He is or not. Find these things, write them down, and be thankful for them.
5) Pray.
Another thing my Pastor says is, "You can do much more than pray, but you can do no more until you have prayed." Remember that God has not promised only good things in your life, but He HAS promised to work ALL things - good and bad - together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. That is YOU - or it can be if you choose.
I'd love to read comments on things that help you overcome disappointment and setbacks.
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2 comments:
Good post; totally relevant, completely useful. :) I have a favorite blogger who often writes "hold plans loosely". She makes plans, and is a strong advocate of having a plan, a blueprint, for her days/week...but she remains flexible for both life and God to work. This keeps setbacks from robbing peace and joy, whether big disappointments, or small difficulties.
Additionally, a key element is "eternal perspective". Even in the face of disappointment, we can ask "what is God trying to teach me?" and we can ask "how can I bring glory to God, even in the midst of this hardship?" Much easier said than done, yet if we can grasp that our earthly difficulties are so temporal in the face of eternity--and all that ultimately counts IS that with eternal meaning, then we can better equip ourselves to act righteously and seek God in the storms. As the song says "every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise...when the darkness closes in Lord, STILL I will say, blessed be the name of the Lord."
Steven C Chapman comes to mind; he had much more than a setback--he is experienced a horrific tragedy most of us cannot grasp. He had to deal with it publically, and yet, His faith did not waiver in the midst of disappointment, in the midst of totally shattering grief. He is bringing glory to God through this trial he is living with. People like him, stories like that, inspire me. They remind me that most of my trials, as hard as they may be for me--are really not so bad. And if something worse comes--and it might--God is still God. We must seek to rise above our hardships, to claim victory in Him, knowing that the earth will fade away. Look ahead! Eternity matters.
Hey DeLand,
I was reading your blog on how to deal with setbacks and disappointments. I found it really interesting and encouraging simply because so many people including me sometimes don’t know how to deal with problems when they arise. I’ve only recently learned how to better equip myself for handling problems and setbacks. I have a business associate who helped me better understand and prepare myself for those untimely situations. I wanted to share a thought process that has helped me recently. I only hope that can paint the mental picture needed so that others can understand what I am trying to convey.
Picture a quiet, calm and serene body of water, such as a small lake or a pond. No boats, no people. All of a sudden someone takes a rock and throws it into the middle of the pond. What happens to the water? Well, it absorbs the impact, it makes some ripples and waves, but eventually and very quickly, it calms itself and reverts back to the calm and gentle body of water that it was prior to the rock being tossed into its life. The same thing would happen if instead of a small rock being thrown it was a boulder. The water always absorbs the impact with very little effect.
My point is this, “be like water; shapeless and formless”. The water doesn’t see the rock or boulder coming at it and scream “Oh No!”And let it ruin its day. Life throws many rocks and sometimes boulders at us all the time. In order to be effective in overcoming these waves of disappointments and setbacks, we must develop a mental toughness that allows us to revert back to calm and serene as quickly as possible.
Taking on this thought process has been extremely helpful for me in both my business and personal life. It has helped me to think proactively more than anything so that I can better anticipate when it’s a small rock or boulder coming at me. I have been working on not letting things penetrate my focus and knock me off of my game plan, no matter the size of the problem.
Jesus said in Matthew 6:25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? “Matthew 6:27 “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
To me, that says it all and I can relate it directly to my description of the rock in the water.
One last thing.
I too have read and listened to some of Covey’s material. He has a great video that he calls Whitewater. We live in a whitewater world where things are always churning and changing. Sometimes these changes are good and often they are bad. He teaches that there are 3 constants in life: 1) Change: This is Whitewater 2) Principles: These are our rules or code of conduct for living 3) Choice: The power to adapt to the first two constants.
Think about that for a moment. If we know change is coming and our faith is in the Lord, then the choice on how to deal with this change and these setbacks should be easier. It will always require prayer and faith in Jesus to believe that everything is going to be ok in the midst of problems, but recognizing these 3 constants helps me to be better prepared to deal with them head on.
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