Social Drinking

OOOh, that title ought to get some attention!

I continue to be surprised by what a big topic this is in the church. I have considered this carefully for many years now, struggling to understand what is the right view from a Biblical perspective. The main reason I have spent so much time considering it is I believe there to be a spirit-realm struggle going on here. My first clue? It is such a big topic in the church and it has been for many, many years. Since this is my blog, I will present my thoughts on the subject and challenge the common arguments I have heard in favor of social drinking within the church.

My intent is to call you - the church - to be intellectually honest about the subject rather than emotional. Additionally, to truly consider what Scripture teaches and to live by the highest standards of holiness, godliness, and love. The Bible teaches us to "work out our own salvation with fear and trembling." (Phil 2:12). To me, this means be very careful in working out issues of faith, belief, and right living because they are issues of eternal significance.

As an overlay, let's look to I Corinthian 8:

1 Now regarding your question about food that has been offered to idols.
Yes, we know that “we all have knowledge” about this issue. But while knowledge
makes us feel important, it is love that strengthens the church. 2 Anyone who claims to know all the answers doesn’t really know very much. 3 But the person who loves God is the one whom God recognizes.
4 So, what about eating meat that has been offered to idols? Well, we all know that an idol is not really a god and that there is only one God. 5 There may be so-called
gods both in heaven and on earth, and some people actually worship many gods and
many lords. 6 But we know that there is only one God, the Father, who created
everything, and we live for him. And there is only one Lord, Jesus Christ,
through whom God made everything and through whom we have been given life.
7 However, not all believers know this. Some are accustomed to
thinking of idols as being real, so when they eat food that has been offered to
idols, they think of it as the worship of real gods, and their weak consciences
are violated. 8 It’s true that we can’t win God’s approval by what we eat. We don’t lose anything if we don’t eat it, and we don’t gain anything if we do.
9 But you must be careful so that your freedom does not
cause others with a weaker conscience to stumble. 10 For if others see
you—with your “superior knowledge”—eating in the temple of an idol, won’t
they be encouraged to violate their conscience by eating food that has been
offered to an idol? 11 So because of your superior knowledge, a weak believer
for whom Christ died will be destroyed. 12 And when you sin against other
believers by encouraging them to do something they believe is wrong, you are
sinning against Christ. 13 So if what I eat causes another believer to
sin, I will never eat meat again as long as I live—for I don’t want to cause
another believer to stumble. (emphasis mine)

I believe Paul is writing about an issue of his day that has striking similarities to the issue of social drinking within the Church. Consequently, I think it provides the clearest Scriptural guidance on the question of social drinking. Paul's underlying premise applies quite directly. Now to the arguments...

"But it's a big deal - I can take it or leave it." I hear this most often, but what I find interesting is how few people are willing to leave it. "I can take it or leave it" infers a true 50 - 50 objectivity. If that were the case, if one felt it offended another believer, like Paul, they would simply leave it. But when I discuss this argument, I always get some heavy kickback, which lets me know the person is leaning toward indulging, not restricting their liberty.

Additionally, if it was truly 50 - 50, one would always choose the highest, safest choice, which is always to leave it. There is never risk in not drinking. There is, at least potentially, risk in choosing to drink. In v. 8 above, Paul says the choice of what to eat was 50 - 50. His conclusion? Verse 13 says, "So if what I eat causes another believer to sin, I will never eat meat again as long as I live—for I don’t want to cause another believer to stumble." He appeals to the highest calling of love for one another.

"But it isn't a sin." No - well, maybe not (read I Cor 8:12 above). But this is the language of legalistic Pharisees! Are you kidding me? Is that how you are living your Christian life? Is that your standard? Legalistically avoiding listed sins? I am amazed how often this creeps into a not-under-the-law, New-Testament-Christian-liberty discussion. Please don't live your life at the low, low level of simply avoiding sin. There is a higher calling and a higher way. This one just makes me cringe (can you tell?). If this is all your church has taught you, find a new church! Be filled with the Spirit, don't get drunk with wine (Eph. 5:18)!

"But I don't ever get drunk or have a drinking problem." Although you can legalistically avoid the instruction of Scripture against getting drunk, I don't think social drinking aligns with the overall counsel of Scripture - and it increases the risk of violating wise instruction contained therein. In other words, you will never violate the counsel to "not get drunk with wine" (Eph. 5:18) if you never drink. You might violate it - or at least run the risk - if you choose to drink. Or you might say something you shouldn't while your senses are dulled (consider 1 Peter 4:7 and other verses that address being clear- and sober-minded) and your inhibitions lowered. You might cause another believer to stumble, sinning against them and therefore against the Lord (v. 12 above), etc., etc.

As another illustration, I may not have a debt problem, but the likelihood I will create one greatly increases when I use debt. I can assure you of one thing: if I never use a credit card (even planning to pay it off each month), I will never have credit card debt. Therefore, I can avoid the risk of credit card debt EVERY TIME by avoiding the use of a credit card. In the same way, I can avoid the unnecessary risks associated with drinking (getting drunk, etc.) by choosing to abstain. It seems to be a better choice - IF you can really take it or leave it. I avoid things that unnecessarily increase risk, as a general rule. Perhaps neither drinking nor debt is a sin, but if nothing else, the overall counsel of Scripture seems to nudge us toward avoidance.

"But you drink coffee. Isn't that kind of the same thing?" Uh, well, uh, uh - NO - it's not the same thing. Let's deconstruct my complex answer. Coffee is not an "adult beverage." Alcohol is. The addictive properties of coffee are weaker and less debilitating than alcohol. The social and economic fallout from coffee-holism is basically non-existent. If you want me to, I can present vast research on the problems associated with alcohol (families, careers, and lives torn apart; economic impact of drunk driving, etc.). Need I continue? I will. I don't know of a single person for whom coffee would be considered a stumbling block in their faith. I know of many for whom alcohol is. Coffee doesn't lower your inhibitions. Alcohol does. Coffee isn't associated with harmful and sinful lifestyles like alcohol is (think frat party)...okay, I'll stop.

"But I think it's fun and I don't think there is anything wrong with it." Than why do you cringe and feel inhibited when the non-drinking believer is going to be there? Why do you quit inviting them when they have never said anything to you about it? Maybe a small part of you is still fighting a feeling that it might be wrong. Anyway, is "fun" the highest calling on your life? Is, "nothing wrong with it" the highest standard of living? Or is there a call to moral excellence?

"But so many people in the church drink." "...for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many are they that enter in thereby." (Matt 7:13). Okay, that was not fair. These people are not all going to hell. But really, this argument states the problem. So many people do it. You and others are watching and tend to make decisions based on others' actions. Big risk for causing another beliver to stumble. Besides, who said the actions of others was a proper dictator of my lifestyle? The true standard is the Bible, not the conduct of others.

Okay, if you're still with me, I will be honest. You could say my arguments are weaker when it comes to having a glass of wine with dinner in your home, without guests or with close friends you know to have liberty in this area. It is stronger in the social arena or bar venue. I still believe the highest choice is to abstain, especially if you have kids. Kids are largely influenced by parents' behavior. Kids tend to take their parents' liberties and go a step farther. For example, consider your parents' use of debt vs. yours. Our parents mostly used debt for homes, cars, and occasional purchases. Go back a generation and debt was rarely used by their parents. My generation doesn't think we can navigate the earth without a credit card - or five. I believe the risk is the same for drinking. And the risk is simply not worth it for a non-essential liberty to me. I would rather live by the highest standard and increase the likelihood of safety than indulge my liberty and increase the risk. If I drank and had a child who struggled with alcohol later in life, I would deeply regret it. I have endeavored to live my life with as few regrets as possible. As an addendum, you also have to purchase the wine somewhere, and still risk the weaker believer seeing you and stumbling upon your liberty. My call remains to live by the highest standard!

"But I thought this was a personal finance blog." True, but it's my blog. Okay, drinking is VERY expensive - and on HUGE markup (bad purchase decision - always buy deals)! And every drop ends up in the toilet when you think about it. You would be better off to flush a twenty on the weekend instead of support the alcohol industry. Also, you probably noticed my money illustrations above.

"But isn't Starbuck's expensive, too?" Yes - almost as expensive as alcohol (depending upon your drink of choice). I don't have a good answer for this one except that it also has huge markup and is not a great purchase decision. However, the industry is much more benign than the "adult beverage" industry, and again, I don't know of people who have a true, deep Starbuck's problem - i.e., there are no Starbuck's-anonymous groups - so it is a good alternative to both drinking and flushing your money down the toilet. And there are no real inherent risks associated with coffee and pastries.

I end with this for your consideration (2 Peter 1:4 - 11)

4 And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious
promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and
escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.
5 In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with
knowledge, 6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient
endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, 7 and godliness with brotherly
affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone.
8 The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But those who fail to develop in this way are
shortsighted or blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their old sins.
10 So, dear brothers and sisters, work hard to prove that you really are among those God has called and chosen. Do these things, and you will never fall away. 11 Then God will give you a grand entrance into the eternal Kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

If you have thoughtful and intellectually honest commentary, I welcome it. If you truly want to live by the highest standard, whatever that is, let's dialogue. I don't claim to be infallible, but I believe my challenges to be well-thought and compelling, so if I am wrong, you will need some decent backup. I can further support any point above if it was not clear enough. And I suppose I won't delete emotional kickback, but please think about any comments left.

If you have read to the end - thank you. I am honored you took the time.

I plan to...

I talk to people daily who say, "I plan to...." I now reply, "Really? Let's see it." They normally respond with some variation of, "Huh?"


The oft quoted rule of law states, "If it is not in writing, it never happened." Consider this: "If it isn't written down, it won't happen."


It is amazing how we (yes, me included) approach lifetime goals and make important decisions without a plan that's specific enough to get us anywhere near our desired destination. We plan to... but we don't really have a plan.


Related to their finances people often say, "We try to save money, but we never seem to get anywhere." Again, I ask, "Let's see your plan." And get the normal reply. Financial expert Dave Ramsey often says, "Normal is broke. Be weird!"


If you plan to go on vacation next summer, what is your plan to pay for it? You need to have a plan. If you plan to buy your kids Christmas gifts, what are you saving toward that each month? You need to have a plan. If you plan to ever re-pace your work schedule (sometimes called retirement), how much do you need to save to draw from during those years? You need to have a plan. Few people like the word, budget but practically, it just means, money plan.


A monthly family budget needs to include all the things we plan to do. We plan to pay our rent or mortgage payment, utilities, groceries, etc. But what about the other planned spending (e.g., gifts, vacation, insurance, taxes, etc.)? Writing all of this down on paper before the month begins is a vital component to your financial success. Each month should begin with this plan in place.

• Write it down

Spend every dollar you are going to receive - on paper, on purpose. Spend each paycheck in order of importance and due date until you have used the entire check on the page. Your most important plans should take priority. If you are struggling, start with food, shelter, utilities, transportation, and clothing. These are the basic necessities of life. Take care of them before anything else (and even if someone else doesn't get paid this month).

• Agree on it with your spouse or accountability partner

Those of us who are married MUST work together if the money is going to work. Some need accountability so as to not make impulse buys. Others need the input from their spouse so the family actually has a life (I tend to squeeze the budget so tight there is no money for fun)! Both spouses have a voice in the process. Singles need the accountability of a trusted friend who is willing to ask tough questions. They don't have a say in the final decision, but wise advice should always be regarded.

• Review it weekly for changes and to stay on target.

Remember, you have spent every dollar you are going to receive, so if there is a change - either an expense that was greater than planned or something unplanned, you will have to find the money somewhere else. But you are making the decision on purpose. You are making decisions based on true priorities - what is most important. These offsetting adjustments force you to stay within your total budget.

As is often the case with topics related to money, planning affects many other areas of life. If you plan to improve your marriage or other relationship, you need to have a plan. What are the steps you are going to take today...tomorrow...next week.... If you plan to get married, you need to have a plan. What characteristics are non-negotiable? If you plan to move ahead in your career or get a better job, what are you doing to move that direction? Is there a class you need to take or training you need to go through?

In our pursuit to be more like God, we have to ask the question, "What is God like?" I know one thing - God has a plan - and He wrote it down.

In the Bible Jeremiah the prophet wrote to the people of Israel who were exiled in Babylon, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jer. 29:11) I believe these words hold true for the people of God everywhere.

On the other hand, 1 Peter 5:8b says, "Your adversary, the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." It is important that we realize that if we don't have a plan, someone has one for us!

We all need to have a plan for our life and our money - written down - and it needs to be God's plan. The alternative it not pretty. I have seen estates, budgets, families, and individuals "devoured" by nothing more than lack of planning.

Take the time. Develop your plan. Write it down. If I can help in any way, please contact me.

Communicate!

I recently made a follow-up inquiry. You know what I mean. I had sent an initial inquiry but never heard back. The receiver of my inquiry failed to communicate. I would rather get a negative response than no response at all. How can you just not respond?

I have found that poor communication is common in our world today. A good friend of mine says, "Most people just aren't good at communicating." I later realized he was not commenting on the quality of their communication. He was saying that most people today aren't good at initiating communication (or responding) - keeping those who need to know informed. They simply don't do it.

My wife and I have found this to be true when we host an event. We used to plainly ask for an RSVP. The response rate was in the 10% range. Poor. Like my friend says - most people just don't communicate well. It was very difficult to plan for the event not knowing whether to expect 2 people or 20.

I have a lot of room to grow here, too. Keeping everyone informed sometimes seems unnecessary and takes some time. But people need to know. People need communication.

One of the important keys to winning with money is communication.

You might be way behind on a bill and are avoiding calls from the creditor. Communicate! Better yet, be proactive. You often know there is trouble coming before they do. Let them know. Will it solve the problem? Not likely, but it demonstrates good faith, strength of character, and is always better than ignoring them. Sometimes they can work with you - especially if you have initiated. Make the phone call today.

Maybe you can't seem to get traction in the monthly finances. "You spent what!?" Are you communicating with your spouse? Most divorces are said to result from money fights - a form of poor communication. But you should be able to have regular, constructive and open dialogue between spouses about this important area of life. Sit down tonight after the kids are in bed, hold his/her hands, look into their eyes and explain that this is an important area for the two of you to get together. To do that you have to start talking about it.

Maybe everything is fine but you occasionally wonder what would happen if something happened... Could your spouse manage without you? Do they even know the state of your financial affairs? Gather the important documents, write down helpful information and thoughts, put it all in a file and share this with your spouse. Talk about how to manage the money, who the advisors are, what you have, etc. Include your spouse in decision-making and meetings with the advisors, etc. By the way, if you don't already have one, get a will (or make sure the old one is current). The will is an important form of communication that keeps the State largely out of your affairs when you die. If you don't know where to start, try http://www.uslegalforms.com. Have you done some estate planning? Hold a family meeting and lay out the general plan.

If you are not married, a trusted accountability partner is a great person with whom to communicate about these things.

There are many other areas of important communication about finances but this should get the wheels turning.

We can all improve our communication. The important thing is to communicate. Start today. Let your supervisor know where you are on that project. Tell an important person what they mean to you. Respond to that email you have been procrastinating. Oh yes, and always RSVP!

Intro

I suppose I should start this with a notice that the views expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the views of Antioch Church. The author does not intend nor is he authorized to make statements on behalf of Antioch Church in this venue. The author is solely responsible for the content herein....

Okay - a picture on the wall in my office shows a tree growing out of a solid rock mountain top. The statement beneath says, Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow. So here I go with my first blog - something new for me.

I hope to encourage your spiritual, attitudinal, and habitual person with practical wisdom related mostly to personal finance - or something like that. Why personal finance? Money relates to just about every area of life and affects many other areas of life. And most of us just aren't too good at it. But, just like the tree in the picture on my wall, we can grow no matter the circumstance we find ourselves in.

Beyond that, I hope to help in any way I can. I happen to know a bit about this area and I believe in sharing all that God has given me. So if you have a question or comment, or if I can help in any way, please let me know. I guess there is a way to do that on a blog. To be honest, I don't even read blogs so I'm just learning how this works.

Anyway, email dshore@antiochchurch.com if you don't want to post a viewable comment.